Dear Congress,
It's three thirty a.m. & time to wake up Murph
from the sharpied-up payphone outside Pizza Pad
"Hey Murph," we say & he says groggy "Gurph"
we hear crash w/o glass cracking & distant "Yowch!"
the sharpies say "Crotch Rot" they say "Caspa" &
"Barry has been Gorilla Dicked on Tuesday by Dilly Boy" but
we cross out w/ our own sharpie & write "by Murph" &
we threaten Axe Kick & Murph hangs up on us //
Murph always hangs up on us so we always call him back
"Hey Murph," we say & he says groggy "Gurph"
he says that he will make hamburger out of our faces
(as we sharpie-in his phone number on the payphone)
that he will avenge the Muslim Religious Foods Incident &
"Who is this?" & we always say "This is your dream calling" //
Yrs, Constituent
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